20 Weeks!!!

20 Weeks! Half way there! I can't believe it! Part of me says "Holy Crap, thats only half way? I've been pregnant for years!" and the other part of me says "Yeah! I can't believe we made it half way already!"

I'm very excited because in 2 weeks, the baby will reach the age where it can survive outside my body!!!!! which means if something horrible happens (fingers crossed that it doesn't) little baby Heder can be healthy! (even at just a pound! Isnt that amazing?) That might be paranoid to be excited about.... but whatever. :)

How far along? 20 weeks!
Total weight gain: 106 to 117!!! 11 lbs!!!
Maternity clothes? Yes, when i can find cute ones in my size. 
Stretch marks? nope FINGERS CROSSED
Sleep: Restless, recently painful. Back and neck pain.
Best moment this week: Being HALF WAY to seeing our little guy!!
Miss Anything? Ben, and sleep
Movement: ALL THE TIME. this baby does NOT sleep.... causing his mommy to NEVER sleep.
Food cravings: Milk and Milk  and sour candy
Anything making you queasy or sick: hot and seasoned food & sugary juice
Gender: BOY
Labor Signs: No
Symptoms: Aches and Pains. 
Happy or Moody most of the time: Happy and stressed.
Looking forward to: the other half of this pregnancy going by FAST.


19 Weeks!

I always end up posting these a week late. haha So technically i was 19 weeks on 8/15.
Forgot to take a wall picture... Again. But I decided to share the 13 week belly difference.
and here it is!!!!

Its crazy right? I cannot believe how fast your body changes. Its incredible!

How far along? 19 weeks!
Total weight gain: 106 to 116!!! 10 lbs!!!
Maternity clothes? Yes, when i can find cute ones in my size. 
Stretch marks? nope FINGERS CROSSED
Sleep: Restless, recently painful. Back and neck pain.
Best moment this week: seeing our baby.
Miss Anything? Ben, and waking up feeling rested. 
Movement: Holy crap! YES! Its insane. weirdest feeling i've ever had. 
Food cravings: Milk and Milk  and sour candy
Anything making you queasy or sick: hot and seasoned food & sugary juice
Gender: BOY
Labor Signs: No
Symptoms: Aches and Pains. 
Happy or Moody most of the time: Pretty mellow this week.
Looking forward to: Being half way there next week!


2 Years.

I cannot believe I am posting this, because I cannot believe it has already been 2 years!

August 18th 2010

Our 2 year anniversary is today, and I am filled with all kinds of emotions.

Mostly I have just been thinking about how grateful I am that we made the decisions that we have made. I am grateful for the opportunity we had to be sealed in the house of the Lord. I am so happy we were married in the temple. I cannot even try to express in words how amazing and sacred that is to me.
It is such a relief and comfort to know that our family will be together forever. A lot of people ask me how I cope with Ben being gone, and i usually laugh and say DVR or Boss or random hobbies.  But in all truthfulness, the moment I found out Ben was leaving.... my first thought wasn't angry or scared or nervous. My first thought was that everything was going to be alright, because no matter what happened or what trials came about.. we would be together forever. And that knowledge has pushed me through some of the hardest days of my life.
I try not to think about the things that go on in Afghanistan, I try not to imagine the heart ache and pain of families who's loved ones do not return. But, I know that no matter the outcome of our lives, we have a Father who loves us and his plan is perfect. I'm so thankful that Ben made the temple a goal in his life. I'm thankful he served a full time mission. I'm thankful he holds the priesthood. I'm thankful he loves his Heavenly Father. I'm thankful we chose to be sealed in the Temple and thus create our own eternal family. I would have never been able to imagine the feeling of knowing our son is ours forever.

After 2 years, I can honestly say that I am blessed. We are blessed. We have been through a lot in our short little lives. And being apart on this special day is hard. I wish I could be with Ben to celebrate our growth and love, but we have the rest of forever. And that is more than anyone could ever ask for. I love you Benjamin Heder. You are my biggest fan, and I am yours. Thank you for helping me to become better, thank you for sharing such an amazing life with me. I would not want to share this life with anyone else. You will always be my first choice. xoxo


Random Happy

Today basically stunk. So I've been thinking of things to look forward to.
and I ended up being really excited! There are so many fun things to look forward to in the next little while.

So, something that I LOVE that is a little weird... is new Bedding. I love new sheets, new pillows, new comforters. I love love LOVE new bedding. And today I picked out and bought a whole new bedding set for our move pretty soon. It is adorable, and I got an amazing deal. I saved $398 dollars! I knew saving up discounts would pay off! I can't wait to move so i can open up all the new bedding. Best thing ever.
Here it is. I got everything in the picture and new pillows and spent less than just the comforter would have been! :) Ben was so proud. ha

The next thing I am looking forward to is BEN COMING HOME!!!!! And a few weeks after Ben comes home my Dad is taking my family to Disneyland :) Because Ben has never gone before. We leave on October 17th, and I am so excited! It is going to be so fun to be with Ben the first time he goes there. :)
I'm excited to go there in October, because we've been there during every other time of the year, but not during HALLOWEEN. :) I love halloween. 

Speaking of Halloween.... I'm SO exited for Halloween!!! I've never been a fan of dressing up. But i think Fall decorations are so fun! 

I'm so exited for August and September to fly by! I just want Ben to come home and all the fun to Start!!!

Look how cute he is. :( I miss this guy. 


18 Weeks!

We hit 18 weeks on Aug. 8th. 

How far along? 18 Weeks
Total weight gain: 106 to 114.5!!! 8.5 lbs. 
Maternity clothes? Yes, when i can find cute ones in my size. 
Stretch marks? nope FINGERS CROSSED
Sleep: Restless, recently painful
Best moment this week: making the weight goal.
Miss Anything? Ben, and waking up feeling rested. 
Movement: Nope....
Food cravings: Milk and Fruit by the Foot
Anything making you queasy or sick: hot and seasoned food & sugary juice
Gender: BOY
Labor Signs: No
Symptoms: Aches and Pains. Still feeling pain on the surface of my stomach
Happy or Moody most of the time: Pretty mellow this week.
Looking forward to: STILL waiting to feel the baby move! and getting a little bigger so i feel more comfortable in clothes and less chubby. 


Random crap that doesn't matter

Well as my title has informed you, reading this is probably a waste of your time. But maybe you have some time to waste.... So no big.
Well currently I'm laying in my bed so incredibly tired that I cannot keep both eyes open at once. However, I cannot go to sleep.... For a ridiculous reason. I am terrified at the moment. Of what you might ask? Absolutely nothing. I'm a chicken. And living alone for the last 4 months has not made me any more brave, or the other 6 months of our marriage I lived alone in Washington. Nope. I'm still a Chicken. I sleep with the hall and bathroom light on, I check every lock and window at least 3 times before bed and get up at least once in the middle of the night to check again. I hate being so scared and 90% of the time I feel incredibly silly.. But I have yet to find a solution.
It's funny because I get told frequently how great it would be being married to a military man. How safe and secure it would feel, and how he would know how to handle a scary situation. And yes. Those things are true, but that doesn't really apply when they are gone all the time. . . Funny how ironic life can be. I'm sure that women who are married to police officers and firemen ect...have similar feelings.
I just miss getting a good nights sleep. And this baby is constantly reminding me how little sleep I get. I end up taking a nap at 5 when I get home from work just so I can be alert when it gets dark and scary.
Long story short, Ben "should" (the reason I put the word in parentheses is because should is used loosely in Air Force wife language. Since nothing ever goes the way it "should") be home before the end of September and I am so excited! Not only because I love and miss my very best friend. But because that first night he is home, I ALWAYS get the best sleep of my life. I am so ready for that.


17 Weeks!

This week was insane with Home buying stuff, and I didn't not remember to take a wall picture. :( But i snapped this during the week, so it will have to do.

How far along? 17 Weeks
Total weight gain: 106 to 113!!!! 7 lbs!
Maternity clothes? Yes- well shirts. 
Stretch marks? nope FINGERS CROSSED
Sleep: Restless
Best moment this week: Our offer being accepted on our house!!! I can't wait to design the CUTEST nursery ever invented. 
Miss Anything? Ben, and being able to sit comfortably.
Movement: Not any since that one night last week. :(
Food cravings: Mac Y Cheese. Grilled Cheese
Anything making you queasy or sick: hot and seasoned food
Gender: BOY
Labor Signs: No
Symptoms: Aches and Pains. My stomach feels like a giant bruise. Pushing on it hurts really badly. 
Happy or Moody most of the time: happy HAPPY this week
Looking forward to: still waiting to feel the baby move!


Your Choice

Our life the past week has been an adventure. You don't ever know when life is going to drop a bomb. Something that could potentially change your life. And you don't ever expect it to happen to you. But I've learned this week that nobody is an exception.
I have grown more in the last 6 days than I have in the last 6 months, and I have never been more grateful for my Father in Heaven. Even at the most scary and unsure moments in our lives, he is always present. You will ALWAYS see his hand as long as your eyes are open to his love. I have learned that the times I have felt alone are the times I was too prideful or angry or stubborn to recognize my Heavenly Fathers blessings. I am loved by Him. And he shows me every day. And no matter the struggle or heartache or worry, he is my strength and will NEVER leave me comfortless. And that is why

I choose to be grateful
I choose to be faithful
I choose to be taught
I choose to be loved
I choose to be happy.


Oh BOY!!!

Well it has taken me FOREVER to finish this little post. But, i wanted to remember finding out you were a boy.
With Ben being gone and missing everything up to this point, i really wanted to make finding out the gender special.  He feels so far away and anything we think of something that makes him feel closer it is awesome!
So we decided that I would not find out the gender in the Ultra sound, and instead the ultra sound tech would tell my mom but I would keep my eyes closed during the whole thing. After the ultra sound, we planned that my mom would go to the store to buy a Jack in the Box and decorate the inside in either Pink or Blue.  She would drop it off at my apartment, and when Ben was available to Skype that night we would pop that sucker open together! :)
So the master plan was created!
So... July 11th was the day! The ultra sound took FOREVER. Because my sweet sweet baby decided he was going to place his feet conveniently over his privates, as well as stick his butt wherever we need to look. It was so ridiculous, he would lift one leg and we would think "finally we are going to find out", but he would immediately snap it back down into position. The ultra sound tech ended up leaving the room 3 times in order to let me try and get the baby to move! I tried jumping up and down, and pushing him, and doing evey embarrassing dance move I could think of.  And finally after all of that, he decided to let us sneek a peek! Stubborn little guy!  It was so hard to keep my eyes closed, but i am so happy that i had NO idea what they saw!
so later that day we were able to Skype, and i was so nervous that i couldn't look at the Jack in the Box while i opened it, it was so fun to look and see little blue ribbons!!


I knew since the second i found out we were pregnant that it was a boy. Idk how, and i still can't explain the feeling. But i just have always thought of you as a boy, and if i tried to think of you as a girl it would just feel wrong.  It was amazing to hear that my feelings were confirmed, and i am so excited to see what my little boy will be like.  You are everything we have every dreamed of, and it is surreal to thinik about all of our dreams coming true.  Your mommy and daddy love you little boy. You are our tiny piece of Heaven, and I already love you more than you will ever know. I will never forget looking at you on that screen and imagining your little face, and hands, and personality. I am so excited to meet you. Until then, we are ANXIOUSLY waiting! Love you peanut. xoxo

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