4.18.2010

Do what you LOVE! Love what you DO! :)

Well, for the past little while i have really been stressed out about things having to do with school and a future career (or lack of one). It has really been confusing and frustrating not knowing what I want to do in the future. It has also been putting a strain on my school work because i don't know why i'm here at school, it just seemed like i was working so hard for nothing. I had no goal or outcome set. It is like running a race and not knowing where the finish line is, or how you are going to get there. I hate the feeling of the unknown. I have always been someone that LOVES to plan out things and know exactly what i am doing. But realizing my current goals weren't what i wanted created that feeling of anxiety and worry in me. Along with the strain it has been putting on my school work, it has also just made me a less happy person in general. Stress makes me "not so nice". haha
BUT..... i think i've finally figured out what I should do. And it feels so amazing to figure that out. I have decided to switch my major from Psychology to Business. :) Up until now i had been planning on being a marriage and family counselor, and although i know i would enjoy this.... it doesn't really match with my other life goals of being a stay at home Mom and being focused on my family. That job would require a lot of time and would also require me to work for a long period of time in order to be successful. In all reality.... that isn't what i want. I want to be able to stay at home with my kids and be there for them when they need me.
I spoke to Ben about all the things i was concerned about, and I guess i wanted him to just tell me what i should do....but he didn't. (which kinda frustrated me to be honest. haha) He just told me to think about what i want and make my own decision. So... i thought about it. and i realized that I want to be an Event Planner! I love researching things and creating presentations. I love weddings and families, and this would be the PERFECT job for me! So i've figured it out!!! And i am so excited! I can do this anywhere in the world, and i can work on my own schedule :) which fits perfect with my future goals.
I love the feeling of relief. I am so Happy right now! :) I can't wait to start the rest of forever. Bring it on!

4.12.2010

Two months too many.

Well its now officially about two months away from when I get to see my Ben. Two long months. This past week has been fun because we get to Skype now! He got the internet in his room and bought a webcam, so we get to see each other. :) Its the best. Although it does make me miss him more. :/
My grandma and aunt Jenny came to visit me this weekend, and it was really great to be able to see them. I miss my family so much. I probably talked about Ben the whole time, but they didn't act too bored. haha He is my very favorite subject to speak about. We went to see my great grandpa and visited with him for awhile. It was kind of late when we left, but we decided we had to go to the cemetery to put some flowers on my great grandma's grave. Now by the time we got around to do that, it was almost 10 o'clock.... so it was very dark. ha We found some flowers at Lowes, and we headed to the cemetery. I gotta say, it was scary walking through a pitch black cemetery but we laughed the whole time. haha it was fun. I can't wait to go home and be with my family all the time. :)
I started a garden in my room. haha i know, it sounds odd BUT it is going to be sooooo cool. :) I planted a bunch of forget-me-knots, red and white zinnias, and some poppy's. I hope they grow fast! I'm excited to see how it turns out!

4.07.2010

Decisions, Decisions, Decisions. . .

Well, I've been thinking a lot today about decisions. Mostly because i have a lot to make, especially in the near future. One thing that I have realized is that the hardest decisions aren't between right and wrong, they are between right and right. Those decisions between two good things are the ones that keep me up at night. haha I hate having to choose between two things that seem great. I wish we all just had a map of our lives that we could just use whenever we needed to make a decision. That would sure make things a whole lot easier. ha But one thing i am grateful for is the comforting feeling you get when you make a good decision. That makes it all worth the stress and grief it takes to get to that point.

Not Fair!

All day i have been in a "jealous" mood. I can't stand it. haha it seems really silly, and it probably is. but, I just keep seeing couples EVERYWHERE! and for some reason it just bugged me today. I'm so jealous of the couples that get to see each other every day or even call each other whenever they want. Such a normal thing seems so foreign to me. How great would it be if i could just drive 10 minutes if i wanted to see Ben!!! AH! that'd be heaven on earth! Every day passing is one more day closer to being able to see him, but the hard part isn't waiting for that day, its knowing that I'll just have to say goodbye again. I hate saying goodbye.

4.04.2010

Missing You ALL the Time

This past week has been seriously crazy. I have been so busy and so spread thin with all the stuff i have to be focused on. It really just all came at once. Stressed doesn't not even begin to describe it. haha But.... even though I feel overwhelmed and sometimes annoyed with it all. I can honestly say i like it. I like being busy. I hate just sitting around with nothing to do, and not knowing how to spend my night or afternoon.
Being this stressed does put me in the worst mood sometimes though. And i'm glad i have Ben to remind me not to act like a complete monster. haha Really though, he is brave. I'm not nice when i'm upset. . . This whole past week of crazy has really made me realize how much I miss him. He has a way of making me forget about all the small insignificant problems that make it hard to focus on school or work and it really does help. :) I miss having him around to just talk to whenever i want or watch a movie with or even just drive somewhere with. He is so easy to be around, and no matter how much I have going on he can always make me sit back and relax without worrying about everything. I love it. I miss it. and I've come to find that I really do need it. I miss my Ben. :(
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