Today is my dad's 43rd Birthday! :) It was fun to celebrate it with my family. It feels so good to be home, even if it is only for a week. I love my family so much, and being with them really makes me miss them even more the next time i leave. Sometimes I wish i could just stay a kid forever just so i wouldn't have to leave them. But no matter how much fun it would be to stay 18 forever, i still am excited for all that life has to offer. How can I want to stay a kid and want to grow up fast all at the same time? haha its so confusing. But i guess its normal....right? I think the thing that has been the biggest eye opener for me is the fact that ME growing up also means EVERYONE else growing up to. Everyone including my siblings. . . Seeing my little brother and sister go through teenage years its so weird to me. I wish I could just follow them around all day and make sure they don't make dumb decisions or make sure everyone is nice to them. I think for brief moments at a time i experience what my parents go through every single day. That has definitely given me a deeper respect for my parents and what they do. Happy Birthday Dad!!! You have done a great job! :) Best dad in the world.
I finally got a letter from Ben today!!! :) I was so excited. He writes the best letters. It was kind of sad not having him here for Valentines Day, but he definitely made up for it. :) He is so sweet, and i love how enthusiastic he is about everything that he does. I'm so proud of all he is accomplishing. I would be so scared to leave everything i know and join the military, but he is brave and willing to sacrifice for his country. He loves his family so much, and he always talks about them in the nicest way. He loves me and i know that if i ever needed anything he would be there. He is the best kind of man; he loves the gospel and i know he has a testimony of it. He is going to do so many great and wonderful things with his life, and i am so lucky i get to be apart of it! He truly makes me want to be a better person, and even though being apart stinks....I have never felt closer to him. I love that he gets so passionate about things, because i do the same thing. haha We go together perfectly, and compliment each other in every way. I have never been happier. And he has everything to do with that. Days like today are the best. :)
Today i am soooo thankful for my sister Mallory. We have been through a lot of rough patches, especially when we were younger mostly because we are so close in age. But i can honestly say that she is my best friend in the whole world. She has always been an example to me, especially with all the great things she is doing in her life. She is a great student, and she works really hard to get good grades. She also works for the church at the welfare office and does an amazing job. Every time we are together i have loads of fun, and smiling and Mallory go hand in hand. I'm very lucky to have an older sister i can look up to and go to when i have problems or concerns. She is the best! and i couldn't ask for a better sister or friend. :)
Well, one thing that has completely changed my life this past 4 months has been my relationship with the man of well.... my dreams. haha Ben is EVERYTHING i ever wanted and much much more. Its funny how things work out. :) A year ago in a couple months me and Ben started talking a lot (just texting) as friends. He is my best friend's (Lauren) older brother's (Ryan) best friend. haha i know. confusing. But basically we just had a lot of funny, pointless conversations. It was fun to have someone to talk to that wasn't romantic or weird in any way. Then as summer started we just stopped talking for awhile. I went to college, and came back for Lauren's brother Tommy's mission farewell one Sunday. . . and what do ya know? Ben was there, ha i think there were 3 words exchanged total....Ben: "Hey Sammie! How are ya?" Me: "Good, how are you?" Ben: "Good.". . . ha and that was it.
I went back to school and about 2 days later we just happened to be on Facebook at the same time. He started a conversation, and basically we talked every day from then on. It started off as just a short funny conversation each day, and then we started talking on the phone for hours at a time. Still we were just friends. I would tell him about guys i was dating, he would tell me about girls he was dating. and since we both dated a lot, that was what a lot of our first conversations were about. ha suddenly we stopped mentioning the other people. I had really started to like him, but I was wayyyy to scared to say anything about it. Which was completely opposite of my usual personality. ha The night it all came out i was at a party with my friends. Ben called me, so I went outside to answer it. He said he needed to talk to me about something. He went on to explain how he and a girl he had been dating were going to hang out that night, and how he wanted to know how i felt about it. I said he could do whatever he wanted and it wasn't my place to say anything. (when in reality i felt a giant rush of jealousy as soon as he mentioned it. haha) He paused for a moment and asked how i really felt. I told him i would be a "bit jealous". He laughed and from that night on things were different. I loved to talk to him, I loved staying up and listening to his funny stories or telling him about my day. He always listened when i needed to talk, and he always talked when i just wanted to listen. I loved it. We could talk about anything, and it wasn't ever boring or awkward. We talked about funny things, but we had a lot of serious conversations. Those serious conversations are where i really got to know Ben. He is amazing, the things he cares about, and thinks about, and worries about shock me. How can one person be so aware of the things that are going on around him? The one conversation i will never forget is the night Ben told me he was planning on leaving in January for BT in the Air Force. He asked me how i felt about it, but first he told me why he was doing it. That night i learned that Ben truly is a great man. He loves his country and he is willing to be the one to stand up for the things he loves. He talked about his family and how much they mean to him. He talked about his goals for life and what he wants for his future. And then he talked about the gospel, and what it means to him. That night I fell in love with Ben.
Ben came to visit me in Idaho as a surprise a few weeks before Christmas Break. It was the best surprise anyone has ever given me! I was a little worried because i had some tests to study for and lots of homework, and i didn't want him to get bored. But yet again, Ben amazed me! The whole time he was here he helped me with my homework and helped me study, and even told me to study..... which kinda made me huffy ( his word for when i get frustrated. ha) It was wonderful. I still can't believe he did that for me! :)
Christmas Break came and we spent almost every day together. I loved every second of it. He was so determined to never get me home late, and to be "at least 5 minutes early" each night. haha We learned a lot about each other during the break and it was great to get to spend time with each other's families. It was hard to know we would have to say goodbye. But we had to .... and we did.
I left to go back to school on the Sunday before he left for Basic, and it was one of the hardest things i have ever had to do. But i know that this is only going to help us. It has been 38 days since i have seen Ben, but it still feels like we talked yesterday. He fits me perfectly, i can't imagine anyone else making me laugh so hard, or knowing just what to say exactly when i neeed to hear it. I can't imagine wanting to see anyone else every day, or thinking about anyone else every time i have great news. I want to be there for him, because he is always there for me. Good things last. And this is a good thing. I am so thankful for Ben and all he is doing. I'm the luckiest girl on earth, i know it. this all will be hard, and some days it feels like it wont ever end. But i know this is worth it. Ben is worth it. I love him.
Some girls wait their whole life for a prince..... and i found mine. :)
Well, i decided to start a blog. ha Kinda corny, but i really don't care. haha Basically i want to have somewhere i can write down all the many things that are running through my head.
My life right now is exactly where i want it to be, and it took awhile to get there. For so long i just worried about what i couldn't do or what I thought i wanted or needed. But in reality, all that unnecessary worrying just made me super unhappy. I didn't know i was unhappy, and I am positive I didn't act unhappy. haha But once you really become happy you realize that what you thought was happiness.....wasn't even close. ;) I really found my happiness in my senior year of high school, when a seminary teacher gave a lesson on "Giving Your Life to God"; i can honestly say this lesson changed my life. I will forever be grateful for that teacher for his lesson that day. It was then i decided to STOP worrying and STOP trying to control everything in my life. I decided to accept the fact that if i did everything i could to be a good person and accomplish everything i wanted to, my Heavenly Father would take care of the rest. And ya know what? It worked. I smiled more, I laughed more, and I have never felt better.
Coming to college was kind of an eye opener. I saw things i never thought were "real life". I experienced different kinds of people and saw a lot of things that really made me make some tough decisions. I am definitely not perfect, but i can say that I have found a lot of inner strength dealing with the things that college life has thrown at me. I have seen people mess up their lives, and testimonies for short term happiness. And I know it isn't worth it. Looking to see past the "tunnel vision" that is common among people my age has been my greatest lesson moving away from home.
The second lesson I learned from moving away is that I NEED my family. I knew that i loved my family, i knew that i would miss them. But i didn't know how much i need them. They are truly my greatest blessing, and i have no idea what life would be like if i had been blessed to be placed in the family I am in. I sure don't want to find out. Without them, i would not be the "Sammie" I am today. I've learned that my mom and dad are my greatest examples, and not only are they my parents.... but they are my friends. I have learned that my siblings are amazing people.
My older sister is the best example of a sister anyone could have, never have I seen someone care for her family so much. Never have I seen a harder worker, or a better older sister. She is doing so many great things, and not only does she care for my family, but she honestly cares for everyone.
My younger sister has grown up, and it is hard to accept. She is beautiful inside and out, and its no wonder EVERYONE loves her. Some days i wonder if it would have been better for her to be the older sister and me the younger... i'm sure she would have done a better job ;). Every time i talk with her i can tell she is growing and becoming her own person, a person i look up to.
My younger brother is now a young man. It is strange to think that girls and jr. high are now part of his every day life. He is a tough kid, and even though i'm sure wrestling and school and friends are fun, each time i come home he is willing to spend time with me. How grateful i am for a younger brother that WANTS to be around me! ha (well idk if he really wants to , but if not he is nice for acting like he does... ha) One thing that has really impressed me about him has been his care of the Priesthood, i am blessed to know that there is a boy....no.... man... growing up in my home with a respect for the priesthood he holds.
I know my family is the reason i am where i am today. And i am grateful for the opportunity I have to be apart of something so special and eternal.
I love them!! :)