Random crap that doesn't matter

Well as my title has informed you, reading this is probably a waste of your time. But maybe you have some time to waste.... So no big.
Well currently I'm laying in my bed so incredibly tired that I cannot keep both eyes open at once. However, I cannot go to sleep.... For a ridiculous reason. I am terrified at the moment. Of what you might ask? Absolutely nothing. I'm a chicken. And living alone for the last 4 months has not made me any more brave, or the other 6 months of our marriage I lived alone in Washington. Nope. I'm still a Chicken. I sleep with the hall and bathroom light on, I check every lock and window at least 3 times before bed and get up at least once in the middle of the night to check again. I hate being so scared and 90% of the time I feel incredibly silly.. But I have yet to find a solution.
It's funny because I get told frequently how great it would be being married to a military man. How safe and secure it would feel, and how he would know how to handle a scary situation. And yes. Those things are true, but that doesn't really apply when they are gone all the time. . . Funny how ironic life can be. I'm sure that women who are married to police officers and firemen ect...have similar feelings.
I just miss getting a good nights sleep. And this baby is constantly reminding me how little sleep I get. I end up taking a nap at 5 when I get home from work just so I can be alert when it gets dark and scary.
Long story short, Ben "should" (the reason I put the word in parentheses is because should is used loosely in Air Force wife language. Since nothing ever goes the way it "should") be home before the end of September and I am so excited! Not only because I love and miss my very best friend. But because that first night he is home, I ALWAYS get the best sleep of my life. I am so ready for that.

1 comment:

  1. You're way more brave than I am, I wouldn't be able to do it at all. My sister-in-law just got a security system and she was telling me all about it and I thought that if I was every home alone, I would definitely want/need one. I think a lot the security system places can transfer service when you move, so even if you're going to be moving soon, you can get it installed and then transferred.
    Hang in there! You really are super brave girly!


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