8 Weeks!

How far along? 8 Weeks
Total weight gain: 3ish lbs.
Maternity clothes? nope
Stretch marks? nope
Sleep: sucky. My back hurts a lot of the night.
Best moment this week: realizing that in about 6 weeks we will know if baby is a girl or a boy!

Miss Anything? Just Ben
Movement: Nope 
Food cravings: Fresh anything. especially strawberries.
Anything making you queasy or sick: cooked anything.
Gender: ?

Labor Signs: No
Symptoms: Just soreness. Sickness went away with the strep throat. :)
Happy or Moody most of the time: More of a roller coaster this week. Over emotional.
Looking forward to: Ben coming home and figuring out our home! I can't wait to start making the cutest nursery on earth :


7 Weeks!

How far along? 7 weeks
Maternity clothes? No
Stretch marks? No.
Best moment this week: Finding out that baby's eyes are developing!
Miss Anything? Feeling energized
Movement: NopeFood Cravings: Steak and Chocolate covered pretzels
Anything making you queasy or sick: Everything. Mostly when i wake up and when i lay down for bed.
Gender: ?
Labor Signs: No
Symptoms: Morning Sickness, sore, tired, headaches. 
Belly Button in or out? In
Happy or Moody most of the time: Happy, random emotional bursts. 
Looking forward to: 10 week appointment getting closer!



I saw this picture today:

and I cried. . for like 20 minutes. . . .

i don't know why. Probably because of whatever these pregnancy hormones are doing to me, and also probably because i'm a baby to begin with.  But I just had this overwhelming feeling of pure excitement. 
I can't wait to kiss your chubby cheeks, and feel your soft fingers and toes, and hear your cute little voice for the first time. 
I'm so so so so excited you chose me to be your mom. and i'm so thankful Heavenly Father sent you to me so I wouldn't be so alone.  You have made this hard time so much easier. & You are already my whole world.  So hurry up and get here!
Because your dad and I love you. So much. 


And I was like Baby Baby Baby!

May 7th 2012, exactly 5 days after Ben flew off to Afghanistan.  I woke up around 7 to get ready for work.  Our life had gotten so crazy the last few weeks that until that morning I hadn't even realized that I had been feeling super weird.  So when i did realize it i decided to take a pregnancy test.  Something I had done about a billion times before.  We had been off BC for a year in April, and i was used to seeing one line. over and over and over. 1 line. ALWAYS. During  that year there was a lot of bumps in the road, a miscarriage, a number of medical issues, a couple of moves, and countless thoughts of fear, confusion, and worry. Ben of course, was optimistic the whole time and constantly reminded me of God's timing and trusting in our Father in Heaven. Looking back now I have no idea why I was so worried, I shouldve known our Father knew what was best for our little family. But, things are always clearer once the storms pass us. This time, there was 2. TWO. after all that time, two lines.
I was freaking out, I didn't know what to do. I just kept shaking and pacing, and shaking.  I called Ben, he didn't answer. I called again, and after what seemed like a year, he finally answered the phone. He was getting ready to get on the plane to leave.  (He had been on the East coast for a couple of days before the long flight out of the country.) I always thought i would tell him we were having a baby in a cute way, but i just blurted it out. We just kept laughing and saying it over and over again. WE ARE HAVING A BABY! AHHH!
I just can't believe it. I've never been so happy and terrified all at once. Who knew that after more than a year, we would get pregnant right as Ben was leaving. Our Heavenly Father definitely has a plan for us.  a couple months ago, we didn't even know Ben was leaving.  If we would have gotten pregnant before, he would have missed our first child's birth, and who knows what else.  I am so grateful he is going to be here right in time for the most exciting part of the whole thing.
Ben will get home when we are 32ish weeks. I can't wait.  This is all new and scary and exciting, but I'm so blessed and happy.  Having such a great occasion to look forward to is going to make the next 6 months go by so much faster.  I am just praying and hoping that everything goes amazingly.  I know some days will get hard, and things probably won't seem ideal a lot of the time... But we are so happy. and so excited to start this new part of our little life.  I love and miss Ben so much, but having this little blessing of ours to take care of is definitely making it easier.
So this little squirt better grow fast! Because i wanna see him/or her so badly! I already can't believe how much I love you.


Half of my Heart

Ben has been gone 9 days. Nine whole days that have felt like 30.  There is so much I wish I could say or do or express, but for now i'll have to stick to this little blog.
Tonight I went through the temple with my Sister and her Fiance.  They are getting married in a week, and it was so incredible to share tonight with them.  There is nothing like seeing two people doing exactly what our Heavenly Father wants them to be doing.  It was great.  There was such a perfect feeling the whole time in the Temple.
After the session I couldn't help but think about how much I wish Ben could have been there to share everything with them.   He wants to be apart of it all so badly.   there is nothing Ben holds more dear than the opportunity to be close to his family.  It is so important to him.  I know he is aching to be with them at their sealing and wedding reception.  I wish i could make him feel apart of everything, i wish there was a way to help him to know how much everyone misses him.
So much is changing for us, everything is happening so quickly.  I want to go back a few weeks ago and stop time with him, and not worry about all the stupid little things that added so much stress to the days leading up to him leaving.
I love Ben.  I love that he loves our country.  I'm so proud of him.   I can't even begin to express the gratitude i have for the blessing of having such an amazing husband.  Yes, life isn't perfect. Yes, I get stressed and crazy and too often forget to count my blessings.  But, I know my Father in Heaven made a plan for me and that Ben is apart of it.  And that is perfect.  I love and miss my Ben, and i know that 6 months is nothing compared to forever.  But until our countdown is over, half of my heart is in Afghanistan.  And there is nothing I can do about it.
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