1.29.2012

Drought.


Lately we have been experiencing a drought in our household. Not the kind of drought solved by rain dancing... nope... a brain drought. (well only my brain, Ben's is up and running as usual) For some reason, since about Black Friday, I have not been able to function in my normal Sam way of functioning.
I have not sewed anything new in months. 
I have not blogged in months. 
I haven't been able to relax or feel genuinely happy.
I haven't logged into Netflix.
I have not dressed Boss in any cute outfits.
I haven't even been able to spend hours on Pinterest. . . . 
I know..... What The Heck. 
I have been trying so hard to get out of my creative brain block. But so far nothing has worked. Heck, this is the first time i've been able to write more than a sentence of a blog post. Usually i log on and stare at a blank screen until i get frustrated and do homework. 
Since Thanksgiving i have been so busy and stressed. I started working full time, which during Christmas meant 50ish hours a week. I am still going to school full time, and trying to live through the last semester before i can relax a bit. Christmas stress pilled on top of all this, plus moving the week before Christmas has completely thrown off my life track. (not to mention that we still have a room full of things at the Heder house, and daily i find i need something that happens to be a 30 min drive away....)  

For some reason i just can't seem to figure out my next step, and every time i get close something always seems to throw me for anther loop. Idk why i'm surprised every time it happens, our life together has thus far been a roller coaster of craziness. Although If you ask me, i think that i adapt well to change.... Ben and my family will tell you that I become a basket case whenever plans are thrown out or i have to adjust "my plan".
I don't know why but ever since birth, planning is my curse. I cannot function without a plan. A daily plan. a weekly plan. an hourly plan. I plan EVERYTHING. And it drives Ben nuts. Because, my plan is law & I need it.  throughout my life this hasn't been a problem. . . . 

UNTIL BEN. 

Anyone that knows Ben will tell you that he is the exact opposite of me. He loves flying by the seat of his adorable pants. And honestly, that is one of the many reasons i love the bearded man... :) he thrives on pressure and change and excitement. all those things give me ulcers. (literally. ask my doctor) haha
And that is what i've been dealing with lately. Anxiety and ulcers. haha  But ya know what? I truly believe Heavenly Father knew i needed this kid. haha He knew i'd need some one to challenge the craziness. And he was right. 

I am so grateful for anxiety and brain blocks. Because without it, i would never ever progress. I have really found these last couple of months how much I need & love Ben, and how much I need my savior. I can honestly say that i've never been happier and even though i don't have everything figured out (or anything....) I know i have the gospel and i have my family, and everything else is just extra. :)

Dont worry. Feel blessed. and know that no matter what, He won't leave us hopeless. 


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